Very funny short jokes

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Collection of very funny short jokes that make you laugh laughing between stories and intriguing tales to make a lot of laughs. Among the most widespread jokes we can remember those of Pierino, a fantasy character often included in many short, long or short Italian jokes, who is represented as a urchin child who combines all the colors at home, school or with friends creating situations for great and healthy laughter.


Free funny jokes

1) The doctor visits a lady of a certain age.
While ausculta asks: how old is he?
her: - FIFTY-TWO
the doctor taps his back:
- say thirty three ...
And she:
- eh, doctor, I would say it willingly, but nobody would believe me ...

2) At the post office in a village a commissioner arrives (c) in charge of checking the cultural level of the employees. These are called one by one for a short interview.
Enter the [p] rhyme:
[c]: So ... let's start with something simple ... Accounts from 1 to 10 ...
[p]: 1, 3, 5, 7, 9.
[c]: But how? And the even numbers?
[p]: You know, I only deliver mail to the left ...
[c]: Okay .. okay ... go ahead ...
Enter the [s] econdo:
[c]: Well, I also ask you an easy easy question….
Accounts up to 10 ... [s]: 2, 4, 6, 8, 10.
[c]: Ok, ok..I understand ... she only delivers mail to the right ...
[s]: Yes ... I ...
[c]: Okay, go ahead… ..
Enter the [t] erzo:
[c]: So let's hope you know how to count ...
[t]: Well, sure ... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ...
[c] (amazed): Congratulations, but you don't deliver the mail?
[t]: No no, I have a qualification ... I work in the office!
[c]: Congratulations .. continue again ...
[t]: sure ... 6, 7, infantryman, horse and king!


3) If a shirt has 5 holes in front and four behind ... what time is it'?
-It's time to throw it away ... 4) The general enters the plainclothes barracks. Suddenly he sees that the sentry is leaning against the wall caring for nothing. The general approaches him and says:
-But do you know who I am?
The guard turns to a group of fellow soldiers and exclaims:
-Oh, guys, come here. Here is an old fool who
he no longer knows who he is !!!

5) PIECE OF VOCABULARY
Basket - scrub period of some pets
Kangaroo - the dog of an Indian holy man
Capzioso - of the capzio. examples "You made a speech of the capzio"
Complexion - plantation of sheep and goats
On all fours - way of crawling of certain fish
Cassata - clumsy action (eg "she did a cassata"),
Catafalco - bird net.
Chaconne - lazy woman, mocker. (play the chaconne: beat the wife)
Chamberlain - character with a nice backside
Collapse - thick and sturdy neck
Mouthwash - combative, wrangler
Competent - issuing flatulence (the competent court)
Smuggler - anarchist and stateless
Curfew - when you can't go out and have to go to bed.
(Contrary to bedspreads, when you can't sleep and have to go outside and get shot at)
Cornucopia - spouses with free costumes
Creole - one of the seven dwarfs
Dashboard - wholemeal biscuit
Decadent - left with four incisors, four canines and two
airship premolars - easily assimilated by the stomach
Dysentery - large share of the electorate opposed to the regime
Eccidio - onomatopoeic voice:
Hedonist - craftsman of the hedon
Equidistance - in horse racing synonymous with length
(cripple fifteen arrived at two equidistances from Fumatiabazar) Debut - mass displacement (the summer debut)
Extradition - dowry to pronounce words flawlessly

6) My son, you have not given me satisfaction since you were born.
-It's true, dad, but first?


7) Ah no! Even today fried eggs. I hate them! I hate them! I hate them! "
says her raging husband in a hysterical crisis.
"But how - the wife replies - it is since we got married that you eat them every day and you never complained ...

8) Antonio, would you come to an orgy? Of course, and how many are we in?
Well, if your wife also comes, three!

9) Hi, do you have photos of your naked wife? Certainly not! Well, then keep these that I double them!


10) Doctor, my husband neglects me; I would like him to come back like a bull. Well undress! But doctor, what do you say?
Madam if you want to return your husband like a bull, let's start with the horns!

Super funny jokes

11) Yesterday I took a dog for my wife. Oh yes? and where do these exchanges?

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12) I have never made love to my wife before getting married. And you? Mah, I do not know. What was your wife's name as a girl?

13) But when you make love do you talk to your wife? Yes, if you call me ...

14) My wife is very thin, but very thin ... But make her eat! And yes, and by whom?

15) Ticket found on the windshield of a car parked by dogs: Dear sir, if you fuck your wife as she parks, I find it natural that he is also horned!

16) Difference between a Ferrari and his wife: Ferrari doesn't make it many.

17) Two farmers decide to celebrate by going to hell. The first is unhappy: You know, I didn't like it. My wife is better. The second is also discontented: You know, it's true, your wife is better!

18) The owner of a famous horse stable returns home and finds his wife with his best jockey. Disgusted, he turns to the jockey: Look, you are the last time you ride for me!


19) My wife and I have lived happily for 20 years. Then we met!

20) The wedding chain is so heavy that sometimes it takes three to bring it.

Funny short jokes

21) The couple is a group of three people, one of whom is temporarily absent.

22) The wife to the husband: You know, it's been a while since I've been having an idea on my mind ... The husband: Do not worry, you will see that sooner or later he will die of solitude ...

23) The wife: If you say another word, I will go back to my mother! Her husband: Taxi!

24) She: "Dear, I didn't think you could have such a small organ! Him: Cara, I didn't think I had to play in a cathedral!


25) She: My son looks like everything to the father! Your friend: A little bit to your husband too!

26) He and she are in bed on the wedding night: Dear, am I really the first man you sleep with? Yes, of course if you go to sleep!

27) I don't find any hair on your clothes; won't you betray me with a bald woman?

28) Journalistic news: He kills his wife corned. The reasons for the crime are unknown.

29) Why does the ox give so many corners against the walls? Why do you want to buy yourself?

30) Pretender goes to ask a butcher's daughter to marry: I would like your daughter's hand. With the bone or without?

31) How many husbands have I had? Mine or some others?

32) I know you quarreled with your wife. How did it end? If you knew, she came to me on her knees. Oh yes? And what did he say? Come out from under the bed, coward!

33) Your wife told me such a funny joke that I almost fell out of bed.

34) A carabiniere purposely returns from work ahead of time and discovers his wife and lover in bed. Determined, he holds the order pistol and points it to his temple. At that point the two burst out laughing, but the carabiniere: Laugh as well, but then it's up to you!

35) A husband who has discovered that his wife is cheating on him appears on the top floor. The wife: Dear, look, I made you horns, not wings!

Long funny jokes

36) A husband returns home earlier than expected and finds his wife in bed with a homeless man. You defend yourself like this:
But dear he only asked me: Do you have something your husband doesn't use?


37) A beautiful lady to her lover: There are 2 places where I would like to be kissed! Where is it? Acapulco and Miami

38) A granddaughter asks the elderly grandmother: Grandmother, what is a lover? And the grandmother shouting: Holy gods! and runs to the attic.

39) A couple decides to get married and the future husband decides to clarify immediately some points that he does not intend to give up: Dear, take note that I have well-established habits that I do not want to give up. On Monday evening I go to the cinema with my friends, on Tuesday I am in the library for cultural updates, on Wednesday evening we are at the bar to prepare the ticket, on Thursday there is the bridge club, on Friday I always go to the theater, on Saturdays the disco and on Sundays the pizzeria with former classmates; Dear, I too have fixed habits so I understand your needs ... you see, I fuck every night. Who is there, is there ...

40) Why do fish have thorns? Because there is a current in the sea

41) Salvatore, look at the puffer fish! Ball? Mute must stay! Bang Bang!

42) Carabinieri at the aquarium: What race are they? Sharks

43) Top of the fisherman N.1: hate the taste of peach.
Ridge of fisherman # 2: having a Sardinian wife named Alice.

43) Full of a fish: getting lost in a glass of water.

44) What is the fish history teacher called? Sturgeon.

45) What is cod? He is a bird whistling.

46) What do mackerels say to other fish? Clear! Clear!

47) What does a goldfish do in a bottle of mineral water? The shark, because he got excited!


48) Where do fish go to study? On the sandbanks.

49) Two prawns meet: See you tonight? No, I can't, I'm invited to a cocktail!

Funny short jokes

50) An apricot goes fishing on the pier. Two medlars arrive and ask: Fishing? No! Apricot!

51) Rifle-rifle, hammer-hammer, love-love. So, I'd rather you didn't love me

52) The worm said to the fisherman. I saw anglers starving because they didn't know what to catch.

53) Catholic cannibals eat only fishermen on Friday.

54) Fish at night groped in the dark.

55) The sea is calm, smooth as an oil. Think how happy the sardines are!

56) The fastest fish? The unsurpassed tuna.

57) Man is a hunter; the fishing woman.

58) Do the needlefish live in a flock on the Milan Cathedral?

59) They said to me: Eat fish, because it contains phosphorus. So do I get smart? No, but I see you at night!


60) What is the bitter favorite of fish? The Fernet Gill.

61) When you really love words, you don't need (so said the little fish to the little fish).

62) Scientist with a finger in the aquarium is explaining the theory of mental fluid to the police: Jump fish! and the fish jump. Try the carabiniere with your finger in the water: Glu glu glu.

63) A guy to his friend: My uncle is a genius: he took the bodywork of a Mercedes, the engine of a Ferrari, the wheels of a Ford, the seats of a Cadillac and the transmissions from a RangeRover. And the other: And what did he do? Oh, well, 2 years in prison.

Compilation Of Michael McIntyre's Best Short Jokes | Michael McIntyre (May 2021)


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